Putting all jokes aside, this really has become my new identity. Many many factors have led me to see that I have an addiction as serious as alcoholism or gambling. The "problem" was that my addiction is one that is socially acceptable, totally misunderstood, and hard to diagnose. Who knew that 5 years ago when we joined Evergreen Ministries, that I would gain as much from the recovery aspect as I have and am still gaining? I am an addict, and I can now freely admit it. Admitting I have a problem is the first step, right? Granted I am not going through the 12 steps yet, but that may be something that I do in the future to help me understand more of how to give God control. Right now, I am feeling confident that I have a handle on my addiction.
How do I know I am addicted? Here is the definition from merriam-webster.com of addiction-
compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal;broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful.
Having a food addiction is tricky because I am addicted to something I need to have to survive. Granted, the foods that I have problems with are things that were making me sick, not nourishing me. Things like candy bars (I would buy one every time I checked out at the store), fast food (any time I had extra cash in my purse I ran through the drive thru), and packaged snacks (many times I have eaten a whole package of cookies). I had to learn that food is for nourishment. Let me say that again. I HAD TO LEARN THAT FOOD IS FOR NOURISHMENT. Food is not for a stress reliever. Food is not for celebrating. Food is not for comfort. Food is not an entertainer when I am bored. I was compulsive with my eating and out of control.
The end of the definition gets to me..."of a substance known by the user to be harmful." The problem for me and for many others struggling with weight is we don't get it! We don't get how harmful food can be. It's food, for crying out loud! But by taking these things out of my life, I realize now how much better I feel, and more importantly, how horrible I feel when I do eat those things that are not beneficial to me. Not just physically ill, but also mentally and spiritually. The physical part has only recently started affecting me, since I have only recently become aware that I can't even have certain foods occasionally. I get physically ill and lethargic when I eat too much "junk". That tells me that I have only just begun conquering this addiction.
This all leads to my next post, which I will save for tomorrow because it's a long one. But I'll give you a snippet of it. This weekend marks my 2 year "anniversary" of starting Weight Watchers. A couple of weeks ago I was very depressed that it has taken me this long to get to where I want to be physically. But I have had some revelations in the past few weeks that have shown me why it has taken me so long. Stay tuned for tomorrow!